The Most Important Question You Can Ask in a Contentious Phone Call
Adam Morris here. More than a decade ago, I was being questioned by an IRS agent over the phone about a particular transaction and how we classified it. It seemed like a young professional on the other line, and I thought I handled the call fairly well, established my position, and also shared some general business knowledge with him. But just when I thought I had handily won this little battle, he dropped a question on me that stuck with me forever.
He asked if he could have a few days to get some other opinions on the matter and get back to me.
It threw me for a loop.
I had been expecting a back-and-forth debate, maybe some resistance—but instead, he chose to pause. In that moment, the entire conversation changed. And over the years, I’ve come to realize that this is one of the most powerful tools you can use in a difficult conversation.
When a discussion turns tense, whether it’s a negotiation, a client dispute, or a tough hiring decision, there’s one question that can instantly shift the dynamic and preserve the relationship:
“Can I have a day to consider your perspective?”
Why This Works
It Signals Respect
When emotions are running high, the other person wants to feel heard. Instead of escalating the situation or responding defensively, you acknowledge their point of view and show that it’s worth consideration.It Buys You Time to Respond, Not React
Instant reactions are rarely the best responses. Taking a day allows you to step back, assess the situation with a clear head, and craft a thoughtful, strategic reply.It Puts You in Control
Contentious conversations often feel like a tug-of-war. This question shifts the interaction from an immediate, high-stakes confrontation to a more deliberate, productive discussion. You move from playing defense to setting the pace.It Strengthens Your Position
Thoughtfulness is a competitive advantage. Whether you’re navigating a difficult client conversation, a salary negotiation, or a tough hiring decision, taking time to evaluate all angles ensures that when you do respond, you’re confident and prepared.
How to Use This in Your Next Tough Call
Listen: Ask as many questions as you can, transcribe the call if they allow. Something we like to share is that it helps us to read the transcripts so we can see what they are saying and not necessarily how they are saying it.
Acknowledge & Ask. “I hear where you’re coming from. Can I have a day to consider your perspective and get back to you? I want to gather my thoughts on this and make sure I get this right.”
Follow through. Use the time to reflect, gather insights, and prepare a response that aligns with your values and goals.
Strong leaders don’t always have immediate answers—but they always seek the best ones.
At SalesFirst Recruiting, we’ve seen the power of well-managed conversations. Investing in people means handling difficult discussions with clarity, professionalism, and respect. The next time a call turns contentious, try asking for a day. You might be surprised by how quickly the conversation shifts in your favor.
