Client Monsters: The Halloween Creatures That Kill Deals
SalesFirst Recruiting talks a lot about investing in people. But during SalesTober, we also believe in protecting your people… especially your sales reps from the monsters that lurk in the shadows of every pipeline. These clients don’t always start off scary. Some seem like a dream. But over time, their true form emerges; disrupting your rhythm, draining your time, or derailing your close.
Let’s unmask the real monsters your team needs to watch out for… and how to exorcise them from your deals.
The Ghost
Vanishes the moment you get excited about the deal.
The Ghost client is the one who loved the proposal, sounded enthusiastic on the discovery call, and then — poof — disappeared. No replies. No feedback. Not even a “we went another direction.”
How to deal:
Don’t leave follow-up open-ended. End every call with a mutual action plan and defined next steps. Keep your outreach value-driven and time-bound.
The Vampire
Bleeds you dry with no intention of closing.
These clients ask for custom decks, multiple discovery sessions, and even "one more" stakeholder meeting. But deep down, they were never serious. They crave attention, not solutions.
How to deal:
Qualify early. Ask about budget authority, timeline, and their history of engaging vendors. Your time is valuable, so guard it accordingly.
The Werewolf
Calm… until the pressure hits.
By day, the Werewolf Client is agreeable, collaborative, and non-confrontational. But when the full moon rises at the end of quarter, a reorg, or pressure from their boss, they flip. Suddenly, timelines change, requirements triple, and your once-friendly champion becomes a clawed critic.
How to deal:
Treat early calm as a warning. Anchor your process in documentation and shared expectations. Secure buy-in from multiple levels early, and redirect emotional moments back to facts: ROI, headcount risk, time-to-fill. You’re not their punching bag.
🧟 The Zombie
They move… but barely.
Endless review cycles. Approvals stuck in limbo. Days turn into weeks. You’re technically still in process, but let’s be honest… it’s dead.
How to deal:
Introduce urgency through bite-sized asks. Can we pilot this with one role? Can I get this product into your rep’s hands tomorrow? Reframe the decision into smaller commitments that force action.
The Witch
Thinks she already has the magic potion.
The Witch Client doesn’t want your process. She wants a shortcut to a solution she’s already decided on, even if it’s the wrong one. She arrives with a specific ask, a rigid scope, and a high level of confidence that her version of the solution is all that’s needed.
“I know exactly what I need.”
“Just send me [insert overly specific deliverable here].”
“No need for discovery. Let’s just jump in.”
She’s not looking for collaboration. She’s looking for confirmation and a fast turnaround.
How to deal:
Ask for permission to show her a better way. Use a soft reframe:
“Would you be open to seeing a slightly different approach that could make this more successful for you?”
If she says yes, you’ve earned a window to realign the strategy and deliver a better result. If she says no, at least you know what kind of project you’re walking into.
The Frankenstein
Built from too many parts, and it shows.
Different stakeholders want different things. One wants a hunter, the other wants a nurturer. One says remote, another says hybrid. You're not working one deal — you're working five.
How to deal:
Pause the process. Get all voices in the same room. Ask the group: “What problem are we solving, and who owns the outcome?” Unify or walk away.
The Poltergeist
You can’t see it — but it’s definitely there.
Budget shifts. Legal bottlenecks. Decision makers “out of office indefinitely.” The Poltergeist Client doesn’t ghost you, they just throw unseen chaos your way at every turn.
How to deal:
Build multiple points of contact. Ask strategic questions that surface internal politics. And most importantly, don’t confuse silence with progress.
Final Thought:
Not every monster needs to be exorcised. Some just need better boundaries. But when it becomes clear they’re not aligned, walk away. As SalesFirst reminds its clients every day: “Invest in People” doesn’t mean saying yes to everyone. It can mean protecting the people who matter most.
